Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Well, it's been a while. I haven't posted because of my own perfectionism: wanting posts to be informative, well-thought out, entertaining (i.e., perfect). So, today I am just regurgitating in type. What the hell.

I am so tired. I am sure I could crawl in bed and sleep for a week. I was doing well and then over-did it with the holidays. Now, we had a NICE holiday; some awesome food (courtesy of yours truly). The kids had a blast, baked for days and gave away cookies & bars, we had family over for three different (and amazing) dinners, did the whole nine yards. I don't regret it. But now I am so worn down and sore, I don't know how to get through the day.

When I am like this, I feel so out of control. Not the "out of control" where I am acting crazy, doing crazy and risky things....more like the feeling of driving a car with the accelerator stuck and the car is gaining speed. I feel inept to handle the day-to-day aspects of life: taking care of the baby, the kids, the house, the dogs, and so on.

I sleep as often as I am allowed (when the baby is napping and the kids are at school). But, it seems it is taking a while to recharge my batteries. I guess it is just one more level of acceptance: that I am not the person I used to be and I cannot do the things I used to do.

I guess I should be grateful for the things I can do, because I am more fortunate than lots of people with FM or CFS. But it is still a tough pill to swallow. I feel like a half of a person.

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