Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Small Victories and Major Realizations

Think one of the best things that I've done this week is to get some speech recognition software. One of the problems I had in continuing on with blog postings was typing. Typing is very difficult with fibromyalgia and arthritis, however, speech-to-text is not as easy as you think it would be. Nevertheless, I decided to use this technology to help me post more on my blog communicate with other people.

In trying to focus on my own recovery and ways to make life easier, I realized it one of the biggest issues is (and always has been) food. It was so enlightening last night to watch the premiere of the new show “Addicted to Food.” I've known for years that I've used food as a coping mechanism, consciously even. I'm too old and have too many responsibilities to use as a vice stop things like drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, and other are you responsible behaviors area however one irresponsible behavior that I've continue to do is eat in a very unhealthy way. Considering I have diabetes, the way I eat is not only unhealthy, it is deadly. I am very inconsistent about eating; I eat randomly. Sometimes healthy, most times not.

A couple things have prompted this post today. One, as I mentioned earlier, was watching the show “Addicted to Food” last night. Then there was sitting in the family dressing room in Target today while my daughter was trying on her size 2 pants and getting a look at my thighs in the mirror…while sitting. Oh boy, not a sight I would recommend for the faint-of-heart! Then there is the almost constant pain in my hips, knees, ankles, and feet. Hard to know what is caused by the fibromyalgia and what is due to carrying around 240# on my 5’4” frame! I am still down from my highest weight. And, this is not really about weight. It is about feeling better!

As I sat and contemplated this, I absentmindedly grabbed a handful of GoodnPlentys (one of my favorites). I was chewing some in my mouth and looked at the ones in my hands. I thought to myself, are these worth DYING for?? Well, that was a little too abstract for my sugar-addled mind to fathom. So, I imagined someone had a gun to my head and told me if I picked up the GoodnPlentys, they would shoot me. It’s funny, but that made sense. It sunk in, and I walked to the trash and threw them away.

Small victory.

However, I am not celebrating yet, as I still have the bag of GoodnPlentys. I did not get rid of those yet. The thing I fear the most is the detox…the detox off sugar and simple carbs. The irritability. I mean, I have enough of that with the fibromyalgia as it is. I’m not sure how much more of the bitchy mom/wife my family can take!

So, I will vow to start blogging again, and to start increasing my blog following. I am going to set up a Facebook account soon for the The Petticoat Polymath. I hope to reach out more and use this blog for the reasons that I set it up for initially: accountability, community, education, and sometimes venting.

Thanks all for listening!

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